


Crabcatch

by mildlySerendipitous (Irrisia)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humanstuck, Karkat's language is the only thing that might lift the rating past PG, Post-Game(s), homesmut prompts, nothing really happens, pet crabs, vaguely defined setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-16
Updated: 2013-08-16
Packaged: 2017-12-23 17:11:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/929022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irrisia/pseuds/mildlySerendipitous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pets are boring and stupid, and Karkat's dad has never let him have one anyway.</p><p>Then he meets a crab, and it's like serendipity, if such a thing existed and could be applied to small crustaceans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crabcatch

You've known her and her brother all your life, so you're used to Jade dragging you to the shops to buy dog biscuits for her devil dogs after school. Usually you stand around, bored out of your mind, until she's done and you can go do something actually interesting with what's left of your day.

They've put a new tank in, one you haven't seen before, so for something to do you wander over. _Fiddler crabs_ , you read off the label. You lean forwards, to see for yourself exactly how stupid these new additions are. The crab stares back at you through the side of the tank. It's all legs and shell and tiny beady eyes on tiny stalks and one oversized claw raised in threat. It looks, frankly, ridiculous, trying to face down something so much bigger than it with such inadequate weaponry. It has to be the dumbest creature you've ever met, and you've met some real bucktoothed glasses-wearing morons in your time on Planet Earth.

Still, you have to give it some credit; clearly the crab has guts. More guts than brain, really.

You scowl. You have a number of scowls you like to make regular use of, so for reference this is the scowl you use when you are thinking very hard about doing something unexpected.

"What are you looking at?" says Jade, from right behind you, clearly done with those vitally important dog-biscuit purchases. It's like Bec and Noir go through their own body-weight in biscuits and Snausages on a daily basis, the amount of times you end up in here.

"Nothing," you answer, a little more vehemently than you planned, and hurry on, trying to change the topic. "Are you done yet? I am so bored, Jade, I could remove my own intestines slowly though my asshole and wear them as a feather boa just for something to do."

"Bluh," says Jade, successfully distracted, even if it was a weak on-the-fly sort of comment. "I wish you wouldn't say things like that, Karkat! Especially not in public."

You shrug, unrepentant. "If people can't take a little bad language, they are too soft to live. They should be grateful for the chance to learn something new."

"What, new ways of combining swearwords in really horrifying ways?"

"Exactly. They should appreciate the chance to learn from a true master of the art," you say, with a deadpan face even Dave would be jealous of. Jade shakes her head and laughs, and you leave the shop, still bickering about your language.

-

At home, later that evening, you do a little research. A few quick internet searches later, you have a list of the things you probably need, and a kind of price guide. If you're going to buy the crab, that is. Which you might not.

Okay, so you're totally going to buy the crab if you can afford it. Also, apparently, some friend-crabs, because the internet tells you crabs are surprisingly social. You don't remember seeing a friend-crab in the pet-shop, but maybe it was just hiding and your crab was protecting their best friend. Keeping the friend safe, so they both stayed sane.

It reminds you, vaguely, of something or someone you can't quite remember.

Still, you add up your prices, and you think you can afford it out of what's left of your birthday money, at least the initial set-up. And you do get pocket money for chores, so if you take on a couple more chores you can probably put the money together to keep up with the monthly stuff.

What you still don't have is a way to ask your dad if it's okay. The websites say crabs don't need a whole lot of looking after, but you've asked your dad about pets before and he's always said no. You think for a little about how to change his mind, doodle a tiny crab in the corner of your maths homework, and go down for tea in a determined state of mind.

-

Your dad surprises you by saying yes, when you finally manage to meander on the the topic in the middle of a long, rambling conversation about the latest really stupid thing John managed to pull off at school. You don't think Mr Connors will ever be the same again. His jacket definitely won't.

"Used to have some pet crabs myself," he says, brief and to the point, and it's still more of an explanation than you expected. Your dad is not the most talkative of people, most of the time. He prefers actions to words. He'll drop you off anywhere you need to go, make you lunch on a daily basis, put up with all of your frankly retarded friends, he just won't say much whilst doing them. You both prefer it that way, honestly. You've met Mr Egbert, and he would drive you mad after a month of fatherly pride. Anyway, tonight is the most talkative your dad has been for a while. He approves your plans, mostly; he says not to worry about the tank. You agree to wash the dishes more often in return for an increase in pocket money.

You go to bed, and dream your dad is a giant white crab who talks even less. You wake up, strangely happy with the knowledge your dad is still alive, even if he has changed a little.

-

Your dad brings home a tank from work the next day. You're not sure how he got it; he works in an office doing data entry, which is not a place you'd expect to find fish tanks just lying around. You try very hard not to look the gift tank in the metaphorical mouth it doesn't have, and instead, you fill the bottom of the tank with sand, place a couple of water bowls in the sand carefully. You realise half-way through arranging branches and shells and stones and hidey-holes that you may have bought too much stuff for the tank and you're going to have to leave some of it out, because you are in fact dickblisteringly stupid.

That evening you fill the water bowls, making sure you salt the water in one of them just like the instructions say, and the tank sits, still devoid of crabs, on the corner of your room.

That night you dream of friends you've never met, and wake up knowing they're out there waiting to meet you.

-

The crab stares back at you through the glass of the tank, unblinking eyes on tiny stalks. Its oversized claw hovers, like it can't decide if it's trying to be threatening or not. Behind it, its two friend-crabs are busy eating a chunk of apple.

"Dumbass," you say to Crabcatch, as softly as you can manage. "Gamzee and Sollux are eating all the good stuff."

You don't know where those names come from. You just know they sound right. Crabcatch just fits, silly and crabby and it's like a ghost of a memory whispered "don't be so silly, Crabcatch!" in the back of your head. Gamzee is all slow motion, so laid back it's ridiculous, and Sollux keeps tripping over his own front claw, like he expects them both to be equal sizes and it offends him to be so unsymmetrical. 

You watch them a while longer, until Crabcatch gets bored or hungry or both and goes off towards the apple. He waves his claw angrily at the other two crabs until they reluctantly back off and let him at the food. You are surprised to find yourself smiling a little, as you turn back to your English homework. In the corner of the paper, you doodle tiny zodiac signs. That night you dream of a door, victory and new starts. You dream of the dead resurrected, and the past forgiven.

You remember none of it when you wake up, but all day long you refrain from your usual commenting on the general shitty nature of the universe.

Maybe the universe isn't all that unfair after all.

**Author's Note:**

> No seriously, you were warned nothing happens.
> 
> The setting is sort of vaguely defined as they won the game and woke up (all human) in a new world in lives they'd always been living, but everyone ended up a little separated. Karkat grew up near John and Jade; Dave moved to their school recently, the others haven't turned up yet but they'll all meet eventually. None of that actually matters to the fic.
> 
> This has been slightly edited from the original posted version.


End file.
